She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
