She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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