I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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