It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
