I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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