so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
