So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
