i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
