i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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