It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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