Me too!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he thought i was a dude.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
