We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
