glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize