go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Watching her eat just hurts me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize