i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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