bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize