it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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