Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize