im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
