you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
