I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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