Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
