Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
