Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
