no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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