and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
