He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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