If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
