It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize