is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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