I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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