he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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