Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize