I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
