his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
