how can u be prego again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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