i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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