The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Small penises have feelings too.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
