Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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