Nicole vs. Life
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
