i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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