I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
