i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
