I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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