Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
operation harelip BJ is a go
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
