worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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