well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
