i may or may not be watching the land before time
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize
