Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
