This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
