I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
