i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Terrible idea I love it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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