Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
