I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
