So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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