im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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