I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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