these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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