theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mom said you looked used
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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