First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
