I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This house was built for laser tag.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drake has all the answers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
