I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
