Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
