After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
