ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
