well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
